8 posts tagged “money”
I take back my kudos for the Internal Revenue Service.
I thought they were actually going to be all nimble and smart by direct depositing the federal stimulus money to the folks that used direct deposit for their tax refunds.
Then, today, I get a letter from them, telling me that they direct deposited the money.
Thus, nullifying any savings of them not actually mailing me a paper check.
They sent a letter telling me to expect a payment, they paid me, then they told me that they'd paid me.
Good grief. This is (one example) why I lean toward Libertarian.
84 cents of postage times however hundreds of millions of us there are... just gone, but that we're all going to be paying interest on that number to China, Saudi Arabia, (and whomever else is buying our debt) for the next 30 years or more.
Actually, we're all (nationally) going to be paying interest on the amount of our collective and various stimulus checks as well.
Makes me want to go right out and spend to stimulate the economy... at the liquor store
Came upon new info that made me smile and makes me think that I owe
some bureaucrats in DC an apology.
Turns out that they ARE slick enough to deposit your stimulus rebate check in the same manner
that you received your income tax refund.
So, folks like me that used direct deposit for the refund will get the stimulus funds in like manner.
Sweet.
I'm feeling all good about the amount of postage that will be saved.
Success.
Got the Notary cornered along with two of the tellers at the bank branch to act as my witnesses for my will.
One peculiarity in the process.
To determine if I was of sound mind, the Notary asked me a few questions.
First was, "So, you just moved here last summer?"
Easy one, "Yup."
It was the follow-up to that which threw me.
"Have you found a church yet?"
Recovering, quickly, well it felt quick to me, I reply, "Sure, yeah, we've looked around and settled on (fill in name here because it's where we got my eldest daughter into affordable preschool.)
Banker/Notary: "Well, that's fine, but if you ever feel like joining a community of passionate believers, my church is up on (local road name here) and we'd love to have you join our fellowship."
Not the kind of witnessing I thought I'd get to legalize my will.
I guess church attendance qualifies as exhibiting a sound mind in these parts.
"Uh, yeah, sure, I'll talk to the wife about it." One of the joys of marriage is being able to use the spousal-conference as a reason to not do anything immediately and be non-committal.
Then while the tellers fill out all their various info to make the will official and I'm a captive audience; he goes on about all the benefits about moving all of our funds to his bank and all the other various account add-ons he can push on me.
So, first he wants to save my soul; then he wants all my cold hard cash.
I shall keep both to my own counsel.
But I'm all legal, official, and fixed up to die.
Gimme an F...
Gimme an I...
Gimme an S...
Gimme an H...
What's that spell?
What are five things you take for granted?
Submitted by meowkitty.
1 my bank online bill pay system will actually send the checks out.
2 whiskey will lull me to sleep at night
3 coffee will perk me back up the next morning
4 vendors that I pay to provide a service will actually do so
5 there will be a new QotD to answer each day
Pullin' That Train
You take what you get
You make your own chances
Making money spends time
And time spends your money
When you're out on the town
The world's under attack
You know what you're needing
Gonna have a damned time
Never too cool to scoff at a chance
Get a piece to get by and don't pretend at romance
It's hard to be bored when you're always at work
Ramen noodles in a bucket and a hotdog in my hand
It's harder to waste money
When you don't have the time to spend.
Frugal by choice
That choice keeps you frugal
Hard to piss and moan when you're always late to something
From job to job with a frozen burrito in your bag
It's hard to make plans when you cover for a flake to pick up a double
Keep a corndog in your jacket because it happens so often.
But when you're out on the town
The world's under attack
If you're gonna part with your money
It's gonna be worth it
Never too high-brow to miss out on a chance
You take what you get to get in her pants
Making money spends time
And time spends your money
You make what you have
And take your own chances
Ramen noodles in a bucket and a hotdog in my hand
Walk from job to job with a frozen burrito in your bag
Appropriately enough, it was sunny last Sunday.
The neighbors on both sides of us were gone to the subdivision pool.
I was in no condition to enjoy the water myself, having been sunburned in an odd pattern the day before at the pool.
The shape of the burn looked suspiciously as if sunscreen spray was applied to me by a person of approximately the same height as my wife, as I was carrying a 14 month old in my left arm/side while kneeling down to help a 3 year old into the foot-deep kiddie pool.
So on this sunny Sunday, I could be found in a small patch of shade on the patio,
reading a book and listening to tunes.
My own collection.
Modern commercial radio gives me a rash.
The kiddies were down for a nap.
It was a beautiful moment complete with birds chirping and the rustle of the tree branches in the light breeze.
The wife emerges from the house.
In a bikini.
I slide the sunglasses down my nose a bit for an unfiltered view.
She lays out several lounge chair cushions and a towel, with intent to lay-out in the sun, just beyond my feet.
This despite the recent article in Newsweek we discussed about the addictive nature of sunbathing.
I think about scolding her, but instead take a pull from the whiskey tumbler.
It's just not proper etiquette to scold a woman in a bikini.
Just to hit my homemaker's quota of bitching for the day, I made the decision to hound her about turning in her expense reports for reimbursement later instead, when she has more clothes on. That would have to do.
The album ended after another twenty or so minutes of ogling, and my tumbler contents must have evaporated, because it was dry.
I'd only advanced the book a few pages.
On returning outside, I discovered that the wife had turned over on her belly... and removed her top.
There's only one small step out to our patio, but I still nearly managed to miss it, sloshing a small drop of the precious amber elixir. Ah, let the angels have their fabled share.
I put the album into the player and resumed my shaded perch. The show was getting better in the second half.
Maybe those expense reports could wait another day or two before I followed up with her about them.
So, it was then that the wife looks over and winks, "Ya like that do ya?"
"Well, yes."
"We've been together forever and it's nothing you don't get to see everyday."
I also chose to let the double-negative slide, you know, considering.
"Yeah, but this is, like, naughty."
Another smirk and she turns her head away and back down to sleep.
The tumbler gets empty again, somehow. I need to get up to go fix that again.
But she's still just laying there, sleeping, topless.
Mischief floods my percolating synapses.
I set the tumbler down gently, and reach for the wallet out of my pocket, finding a $5 bill.
Hello, Mister Lincoln. I know you're usually found on Mount Rushmore, among other places, but I think that the Grand Canyon would suit you better just now.
So, instead of advice, I gave my wife a tip.
A quick tug from the wrist, up and out, slide the bill in, then let the bikini snap back.
Ah, the outdoors. Great for developing a deeper appreciation of my favorite national monuments.
What modern book do you think will be read in high school by the next generation of kids?
Submitted by Tom.
A novel by Joey Goebel titled, Torture the Artist
Damn if he doesn't bring a metaphorical knee up smartly into the huevos of current pop culture.
Seriously, read the book and smirk at what you see passing for entertainment around you.
My own kids will earn an extra allowance for submitting a book report to me on this text when they are of an appropriate age.
I'm still running various calculators on retirement nest egg construction to find an optimal funding model.
They're inconclusive, which is more than a little downer.
I use the same inputs and the results are all over the chart from one to the next.
Either I'm planning on saving/investing way too much, which my gut tells me is unlikely, or by some calculations, I'll end up destitute halfway through retirement, having generated 8 million dollars LESS than my life expectancy would warrant.
While poking around various money sites I found an article on MSN Money dealing with research on the weak correlation between money and happiness.
Earning enough money to raise you from the poverty line to the middle class DOES equate with more happiness.
However, moving from the middle class to the elite pinnacle of wage earners adds NO additional happiness.
I can dig what this research is jiving.
Following is an excerpt detailing why we're simply not wired to be grinning ALL the time, and why we shouldn't feel like we need something more if we're not happy all the time.
Note: it was obviously written with a male or lesbian audience in mind.
"Beyond a certain point, more money does not equate with more happiness. If it did, you would expect to find the wealthiest or most famous people to be the happiest, and that simply is not the case.
Once our basic needs are met, it turns out that it's friendship and being loved and having someone to love that makes life worth living," he says.
Want to find true happiness? Weinstein has a suggestion:
"I
think the solution to happiness lies in the little things.
When you're
on the bus, instead of whipping out the BlackBerry, maybe actually
strike up a conversation with the stranger next to you.
Or do nothing; stare out the window or be quiet. I suspect that either or both of those things, practiced regularly, would bring a bigger sense of well-being."
Gilbert maintains that the whole concept of somehow accumulating happiness is both foolhardy and even a little scary.
"It's
important to recognize that you're not meant to be happy all the time,"
he says. "That's not what your brain is generating emotions for.
Emotions are a very primitive guidance system. It's your brain's way of
telling you when you're doing the right thing or the wrong thing.
That's why you get a positive emotional reaction when you approach a naked woman but not a bear.
Imagine that you somehow found a medication or a surgery or a deodorant or whatever that made you permanently happy all the time. Well, now you're smiling when you approach the bear, and that's a problem.
"At least, luckily, we could say you won't have children to pass this problem along to.
"Your emotional system is guiding you through life, so it has to respond positively and negatively. A compass that's stuck on north all the time is useless, and that's what a person who is stuck on happy would be."
-- By Jay MacDonald for Bankrate.com
