4 posts tagged “marriage”
Yesterday was our 12 year anniversary, 10 of them recognized by the law.
Let it burn motherfucker!
Success.
Got the Notary cornered along with two of the tellers at the bank branch to act as my witnesses for my will.
One peculiarity in the process.
To determine if I was of sound mind, the Notary asked me a few questions.
First was, "So, you just moved here last summer?"
Easy one, "Yup."
It was the follow-up to that which threw me.
"Have you found a church yet?"
Recovering, quickly, well it felt quick to me, I reply, "Sure, yeah, we've looked around and settled on (fill in name here because it's where we got my eldest daughter into affordable preschool.)
Banker/Notary: "Well, that's fine, but if you ever feel like joining a community of passionate believers, my church is up on (local road name here) and we'd love to have you join our fellowship."
Not the kind of witnessing I thought I'd get to legalize my will.
I guess church attendance qualifies as exhibiting a sound mind in these parts.
"Uh, yeah, sure, I'll talk to the wife about it." One of the joys of marriage is being able to use the spousal-conference as a reason to not do anything immediately and be non-committal.
Then while the tellers fill out all their various info to make the will official and I'm a captive audience; he goes on about all the benefits about moving all of our funds to his bank and all the other various account add-ons he can push on me.
So, first he wants to save my soul; then he wants all my cold hard cash.
I shall keep both to my own counsel.
But I'm all legal, official, and fixed up to die.
Gimme an F...
Gimme an I...
Gimme an S...
Gimme an H...
What's that spell?
We drove into downtown today and hit a couple of joints to scope the local scene.
Discovered super-sneaky free weekend parking at the first spot.
Open and quiet during early Saturday. No highchairs a minus for us.
Waitresses known as "Beer Goddesses" and the uniforms were indecent tartan plaid skirts.
They had bloomers under.
The bloomers were thonged.
Left after one Nut Brown on special fire-sale from a local distributor and a plate of fries for the scrunches.
I didn't get slapped and my marriage is intact.
A herculean effort.
We will be back sometime when the kids have a sitter or we have a containment device (read Stroller) for youngest.
Wife wants a Jovie.
I want whatever wife wants. Even though I will be the one using it.
Yeah, the skirts were THAT short.
Second place wasn't far around a few bends of the road from the first.
In one of the university districts. Yes, there are several. This being one of the more secular in nature.
Got the last parking place in the lot behind the establishment. Again free. And parking in any downtown is a trick.
Twice in one day, we needed to celebrate.
A Scottish style ale, brewed on premises, hit the spot. And they had highchairs. And the waitress, while cute, was actually wearing pants that didn't make me wonder where I should put the tip.
The first joint had an interesting menu, but the second place was even a tad less pedestrian, without being exclusive.
Overall, a double-success.
And not lost, not even once on first attempts to find both.
Outstanding effort and result.
Now, for the rest of the city.
Ray Bradbury.
For me "Death is a Lonely Business" and "Something Wicked This Way Comes" are powerful narcotics.
They make me want to write, feverishly.
Then, very abruptly, not.
Because, well, what words are left when he's done?
I've been taking the latter in, mainline, straight to the brain through the ear canal these past two days/nights.
I mowed the lawn.
That had nothing to do with Bradbury's words.
But still, a grueling accomplishment of endurance, dedication, and heart (read stubbornnesss).
I was wearing a pair of old Rumple Minze shorts when I mowed.
That has nothing to do with Bradbury's words either, but it figures in later.
About three months ago, with lemur-like agility, I managed to get not one, but two rose thorns inserted into my feet while pruning.
One lodged on the side of my right big toe, the other on the side of my left heel.
Yeah, both feet, see I got the one in the heel while I was yelping back in pain from the one in the toe.
But neither has bothered me since... until a week ago.
Now, belatedly calouses have grown around the thorns and hardened and somehow the pressure of the calouses against the soft meat of my feet is shooting a stabbing pain when I walk very far.
Like, you know, back and forth across the lawn in strips behind the lawnmower.
So, to take my mind off the agony, I figure to hit the gym and then the jacuzzi to soak them.
I drop the kids at the child center.
I take a seat and begin on one of the resistance weight arm machines.
Of note, my wedding ring has been banging into my pinky finger knuckle lately, causing it to ache and throb, so I don't wear it to the gym these days. That might help explain the atmosphere of what follows.
Also, I admit to taking creative license with one detail and one detail only that has been changed to help the story flow. It's up to you to guess which one.
I will play the part of "Me" and a mid-30's woman in tight blue yoga pants (visible thong line) and a snug white jog-bra (with proud THO's the size of small river pebbles) will play the part of "Her"
Me: 1,2,3,4,5, One 1,2,3,4,5 Two 1,2...
Her: Nice Rumple Minze shorts!
Me: 4,5, Huh? Oh, yeah, they're my lucky shorts.
Her: Where'd ya get 'em?
Me: I took 'em off a Rumple Minze girl back in college.
Her: Was she in them at the time?
Me: Well, no, she already had them off.
Her: And just how'd you manage that? Don't they have security handlers when they work?
Me: We lived together at the time.
Her: And you just found them on the floor in the dark one morning?
Me: Naw, she was twirling them around in the air and let them sail.
Her: Because she'd had too many samples of her own product?
Me: Yes and no, she was an ex-Rumple girl at that point.
Her: And you made the lucky reception?
Me: No, my girlfriend did.
Her: Wasn't that awkward?
Me: Not really, it was quite graceful, a clean one-hander. (pantomimes)
Her: Oh, I was talking about your girlfriend being there while the rumple girl was tossing her clothes around.
Me: Ex-rumple girl, and my girlfriend lived there with us.
Her: So, all three of you were together?
Me: Four, there was also a sorority sister.
Her: Wow, how'd you ever concentrate on your major?
Me: That part was easy, I majored in Women's Studies.
Her: And were you able to use that degree?
Me: Absolutely, I got married.
Her: (snicker, snicker, towel-snap, walks off)
Me: 1,2,3,4,5, Four 1,2,3,4,5 Five...
