25 posts tagged “daughter”
Eldest daughter was playing outside on her combo slide/house and doing chalk work on the patio.
She comes over to me and tells me that there is a rock in her ear.
I ask how this came to pass.
She replies that she laid down in her slide/house and that it was a rocket ship and then there was a rock
in her ear.
I tell her not to lay down on rocks and then I go back to reading.
Naively, I thought she was referring to one of the many hopscotch rocks she keeps on the patio.
Two days later, I discover the engorged tick inside the top curl of her left ear.
I feel like a total ass at that point.
She described what was wrong to me, in pretty good terms for a 4 year old who has never seen a tick before, and I blow her off.
Nice one dad.
After much screaming and coaxing/pulling with tweezers, the little bastard breaks off with its mouthparts still in her ear.
I, again naively, hope that her body will push it out on its own,
not being intimately acquainted with tick-head cement/saliva.
So a couple days later, when the ear is nice and red, we go to the doctor, who has about as much luck as I do getting all the bits out.
Eldest is very mad about all the yanking on her ear going on at this point.
They refer us to the local childrens hospital and tell us they might have to admit her overnight if they need to use an IV anesthesia to remove the bits surgically.
Unholy shitballs, I feel like a royal ass at this point.
However, eldest is a trooper and suffers through the waiting process without any drugs and the actual procedure with only a topical cream.
Now there's just the antibiotic regimen for the next week, since the tick was attached long enough to spread cellulitis (no, not cottage cheese thighs).
Damnit.
Must get past the words to what she's actually describing in the future. I am the one with rocks in my ears.
Success.
Got the Notary cornered along with two of the tellers at the bank branch to act as my witnesses for my will.
One peculiarity in the process.
To determine if I was of sound mind, the Notary asked me a few questions.
First was, "So, you just moved here last summer?"
Easy one, "Yup."
It was the follow-up to that which threw me.
"Have you found a church yet?"
Recovering, quickly, well it felt quick to me, I reply, "Sure, yeah, we've looked around and settled on (fill in name here because it's where we got my eldest daughter into affordable preschool.)
Banker/Notary: "Well, that's fine, but if you ever feel like joining a community of passionate believers, my church is up on (local road name here) and we'd love to have you join our fellowship."
Not the kind of witnessing I thought I'd get to legalize my will.
I guess church attendance qualifies as exhibiting a sound mind in these parts.
"Uh, yeah, sure, I'll talk to the wife about it." One of the joys of marriage is being able to use the spousal-conference as a reason to not do anything immediately and be non-committal.
Then while the tellers fill out all their various info to make the will official and I'm a captive audience; he goes on about all the benefits about moving all of our funds to his bank and all the other various account add-ons he can push on me.
So, first he wants to save my soul; then he wants all my cold hard cash.
I shall keep both to my own counsel.
But I'm all legal, official, and fixed up to die.
Gimme an F...
Gimme an I...
Gimme an S...
Gimme an H...
What's that spell?
Taco Salad with Lemongrass Chicken Spring Rolls.
I had the eldest daughter assist with this one.
Just shy of 4, she was able to shred the romaine lettuce leaves by hand.
She also sprinkled the chopped onions into the skillet with the hamburger while it was browning.
Then she poured a little of both ranch dressing and cheesy pasta sauce onto the salad and mixed it in with a spoon.
Finally, she crushed the (generic) chili cheese Fritos by hand and stirred them in.
By then, the frozen Lemongrass Chicken Spring Rolls were coming out of the oven and ready to be placed for presentation just as my wife arrived home from work.
Our 21 month old daughter had a cold with runny nose, which seemed to morph into a sinus infection which we feared had become an ear infection after she began wailing and pulling at her ears.
Then I tried this remedy, since it was New Year's and the doctors offices were closed and we were in a pickle.
Did I mention that youngest was wailing? Yes, she's got a pair of lungs on her, no problem in that regard mind you.
So, I mixed up a non-iodized saline solution (with Epsom salt to boot for good measure) warmed it up, dissolved it, and found a modified use for the mandatory toddler nose-bulb de-snotter. Instead of pulling mucous out, I shot the saline solution up her nostril.
She protested; mightily.
Then, she coughed, and the world's largest snot-ball came flying out of her mouth.
She's was fine and spunky within seconds.
No more screaming.
Same cannot be said for my wife, who was holding her at the time, when she noticed where said snot-ball had landed.
But what's the cost of a good shirt compared with bringing relief to your youngster?
Particularly since it wasn't MY good shirt.
Eldest attended her first day of Pre-school today.
Smashing success.
I didn't even cry as I dropped off my little girl.
Also my first day to have time to focus on youngest daughter.
She loved being an attention-hog.
Meanwhile, eldest rocked out and didn't want to leave her class at the end of the day.
Teacher reports that eldest is already head of her class.
Smoked a cheap cigar with good whiskey to celebrate.
What time is your alarm clock set for? Do you use the snooze button?
We have a three year old that is set to "Daylight".
As soon as she sees light, any light, even the faintest glimmer from the sun, she's pounding on our door in the morning.
As for the snooze button, I have yet to be able to locate it on my daughter.
Today I had to play goalie/keeper to keep a vigorous attempt out of our credit score net.
Who was the other side on the financial pitch, you ask?
My bank.
My own frakking bank!
I pay all my bills, exclusively, with on-line bill pay.
Well, OK, not so "exclusively" really, there are vendors here and there, especially during the setup after a move that want to be paid johnny-on-the-spot, but aside from that, all the paper bills in the mail or received via on-line notification I pay using the bank on-line service.
It's free and saves me a mint on stamps each month.
Above and beyond that, I can track everything on-screen.
I've never been conscientious with entries in the old check register, so that's a major benefit for me.
I can't think of a time that there's ever been an issue with it.
It's secure, it's reliable, it's efficient, and I've been able to trust it.
Until today.
Just received a notification that my rent check payment was rejected.
The rent check that is due today/tomorrow.
The rent check that I now have no way of getting to the rental agent on time, either through a replacement via on-line billpay or through an envelope via postal service...
Unless, I find my box of physical paper checks that I use so rarely that I often misplace from neglect, load the two young'uns into the car (after youngest's nap, but before lunch), and drive over to a neighboring city, to the rental agent office, and physically deliver the check myself, today before 3pm when they close.
I'm offended not because of the rejection, but because it took the bank 8 days to tell me it was rejected.
If told on day one of the rejected status, I had loads of time to initiate a replacement payment, on time (to spare actually.)
The rejection occured because within minutes of initiating the payee and the first payment, I modified the address to include their suite number.
The bank couldn't have just modified my payment and sent it on its merry way?
Or told me that the modification neccessitated a cancellation of payment right away, since the error occured within minutes of initiation?
No.
Let's wait 8 days until we credit the funds back to tell him that the delivery failed due to address modification, leaving him absolutely no time to recover, even though he planned ahead and initiated payment 9 days before it was due.
Well, take that!
I made the save/stop.
The checkbook has been found, the payment written and I'm only killing time until youngest wakes to be on my way and get my result.
The customer will prevail.
Also, took much pleasure in pointing all of this out to a V.P. of on-line banking operations.
Cages will be rattled.
Changes in procedure will be initiated.
More importantly, our credit history / score will not be tarnished with a late payment notation.
From the long lost pilot-episode of my life:
(Still shopping it around for a network)
Sub-Dude
The car, here, is out of place
Bicycles far more the pace.
Fried potato starch stains
We'd trade the use of Daniel's lion pack
For one flat wooden toothpick seat
Button-fly or zipper today?
We're shod with iron horshoes firm
To evict their cuckoos from his nest.
Light Emitting Diodes, all systems green on zeppelin.
A pizza in my pocket, nuked
The dog was hot and bunned
Frozen fruit hookah pipe-sicle treat
The burger's cow hammed the town
This cheese, it is not yours dear nun.
Pale cow, the rider is hooded
I sat all day and nigh fortnight
Before we came upon ourselves again
Hang-nail, torn, bleeding, quick
You were there and so was I
The future played us fair
A ring repaired, but not the One Ring.
Three sets to one we were not done
So in the car you rode uphill
Mmm, Buffalo-style onion rings, crispy
Duh dizzy bunny hopped limply
Fried out from the sun
Sister fingers, sister hand, close crate door again
But your car there was out of place
so pinched me I did do
Thought in head and key in lock
In a crowd that stank with sweat
On the bus did bounce.
Expunged, expelled, the sponge that failed
And bunny, she hobbled a corner round
There under wheels was flattened.
Well, wet my nose and wag my tail
Bicycles far more the pace.
Had a spare moment that coincided with the eldest daughter finishing a jigsaw puzzle.
Took her outside in the sun.
Started doing jumping jacks.
Got her to join in.
The laughing might have been more exercise than the jacks.
Until a sojourning pill-bug became more fascinating.
And my eyes shut with stinging sweat.
Latest creation for the musical "Punk-Tot" genre:
She's A Miner
Is this one mine?
Can I have some of those?
Yeah, this one's mine.
Daddy? Oh daddy. Daddy?
Is this one mine?
Can I have some of those?
Yeah, this one's mine.
This one's not like the other one.
Well, this one's outside.
This one's not my other one.
I have two of those.
This is not inside.
Yeah, this one's mine.
Daddy? Oh daddy. Daddy?
This is not inside.
It's a bug!
Daddy, it's a bug!
Well, it's squished.
It's spider-parts.
Just like my baby spider.
Just like the water spout.
And I've spilled.
I've spilled my water out.
Daddy, can I go get it?
Can I pick it up?
Yeah, this one's mine.
I will clean it with a towel.
Because this is my outside towel.
Well, I will give it a ride to the grass.
Then I will smack it in the daytime.
Because the lights are off.
Is this the daytime?
Yeah, the lights are sleeping.
The lights wake up at nighttime.
Daddy? Oh daddy. Daddy?
It's a yellow butterfly.
It's not a moth.
Is it yellow?
Is this one mine?
It flies all over the place.
Well, it's not a giant mosquito.
Yeah, this one's mine.
