5 posts tagged “bread”

I like wandering through the grocer and being inspired by...

what's on sale.

Particularly the "going bad" clearance sales, if it's something I can fix for dinner that night.

Yesterday my browsing was rewarded with 8oz of fresh mushrooms for $1 (down from $2), two Moroccan artisan olive loafs $1.50 each (down from $4.50), grated Romano cheese 5oz. $2.19 (down from $5) and a pound of fresh strawberries for $1.50 (down from $4).

I already had rice at home and a pan full of sausage grease from the morning, so I used some garlic, onion, spices, the mushrooms and Romano to turn that into a Risotto after lots of stirring and adding just enough liquid to keep the rice barely covered (minus the white wine that the Wife doesn't care for.)

Carved the olive loaf tops in a "v" trench, removed the top, added cooked chicken breast slices, and filled the trench with my sort-of Risotto, and baked them to crisp for a few minutes before serving.

The strawberries for dessert were cut and soaked in the tiniest bit of Balsamic Vinegar and sugar.

I propose a new named sandwich.

The "Neutered Groove"

Apologies if this list of arranged ingredients already exists under another sandwich moniker.

It's not that I will desist, mind you.

I just want to be clear that it has now been dispossessed of its ingredients and will need to find new ones should it wish to go forward as a named sandwich, or risk being de-listed from the sandwich board exchange.

A "Neutered Groove" consists of:

Two slices of bread, any bread, I usually go wholewheat.

Onions slices and tomato slices, one or two of each.

A spring mix of various salad leafy greens and reds.

Two slices of pepper jack cheese, otherwise known as Monterey Jack with Jalapeno bits incorporated.

Seven deli-thin slices of hickory smoked ham.

Two slices of hard salami.

Point zero eight ounce, approximately, crushed ripe black olives.

One squirt ketchup.

One squirt mustard.

One shot glass.

One bottle of tequila.

One bottle of vodka.

4 albums of music:
A) Gas Huffer - "One Inch Masters"
B) Claw Hammer - "Thank The Holder Uppers"
C) Mercury Rev - "Boces"
D) Col. Bruce Hampton & The Aquarium Rescue Unit - "Self-titled"

Assembly instructions required to qualify as an official "Neutered Groove":

Begin playing the music in the order listed from albums A - D.

Do not shuffle.

Play straight through.

Drizzle the bread with Jose Quervo Black Medallion Tequila.
Butter one side liberally and place in a pan on medium heat (butter-side down.)

Place the one of the two cheese slices on top of the bread.

Simmer the onion/tomato slices in vodka until soft.

Add one of the two slices of hard salami on top of the cheese and bread.

Add all seven deli slices of ham on top of the salami, cheese, and bread.

Add squirt of mustard on ham, salami, cheese, and bread.

Add the leafy greens on top of the mustard, ham, salami, cheese, and bread.

Add the onions/tomato on top of the leafy greeens, mustard, ham, salami, cheese, and bread.

Add the second slice of hard salami on top of the onion/tomato, leafy greens, mustard, ham, other salami, cheese and bread.

Add squirt of ketchup on second slice of hard salami, onion/tomato, leafy greens, mustard, ham, other salami, cheese, and bread.

Add the second slice of cheese on top of the ketchup, second salami, onion/tomato, leafy greens, mustard, ham, other salami, other cheese, and bread.

Add the crushed olives on the second cheese slice, ketchup, second salami, onion/tomato, leafy greens, mustard, ham, other salami, other cheese, and bread.

Add second slice of tequila drizzled bread on second slice of cheese, ketchup, second salami, onion/tomato slices, leafy greens, mustard, ham, other salami, other cheese slice, and bread.

Compress the stack with a large spatula flipper, butter the top slice of bread, and flip the arrangement, ass over tea kettle.

Now, and this bit is truely make or break, do exactly three shots of vodka, and three shots of tequila.

By the time you're done, the bottom side of the sandwich will be golden buttery brown and you'll be in a state fully capable of appreciating this culinary delinquent.

Now, sit in a comfy chair, turn down the lights, eat the sandwich, and let what remains of the play list finish out.

Your groove will be neutered.

Winds a' howling.

Snows a' blowing.

Temps a' falling.

And I've got just the thing.

1/4 of a red onion, diced.
2 tablespoons garlic, minced.
2 center-cut tomato slices.  You can further slice or dice these as desired, or not; your call really.
8 oz. smoked ham, thin deli sliced.  (Alternately, gyro meat lamb slices.)
4 oz. swiss cheese, about three good slices.
2 slices of the most amazing bread you fancy.
A drizzle of extra virgin olive oil.
Two slabs of butter, thickness depending on how heart-healthy you're feeling that day.
3 shakes of buffalo wing sauce.

Start the onions in a pan over medium heat.
Drizzle the olive oil on the onions.
Add the tomato.
Add the garlic.
Remove from heat.

Put one of your slabs of butter on one of your bread slices.
Butter side down in a pan over medium heat.
Add the swiss cheese slices to the top of the bread.
Add the ham (or gyro lamb) slices to the top of the cheese.

Add the contents of the first pan to the top of the meat and cheese.

Drizzle buffalo wing sauce on top of that.

Place your second slice of bread on top of the stack.

Use spatula, or your hand if you're feeling cave-manly, to compress the stack.

Add your second slab of butter to the top of the bread (very important you do this after you compress the stack, not before, or you will literally be a butter-fingers.)

Now use the spatula, I really recommend the spatula this time and not the hand method, but hey, if you've got the stones, more cave-man to ya; to flip the stack so that the top bread and butter are now in contact with the bottom of the pan.

Use the spatual, or your hand, but I should point out that what is now the top of the stack was once the bottom and in contact with a fairly hot pan, so keep that in mind before making your choice, to compress the stack once more.

Wait exactly one minute and forty-two seconds.

Remove sandwich stack from heat and deposit on a plate, or if you're so inclined, your lap.

I can only sanction the latter if you're wearing an old pair of denim and lack high temperature sensitivity.

Let cool for thirty-eight seconds.

Flip.

Let cool for a further thirty-eight seconds.

At this point you will have another choice.

Either cut the sandwich with knife and fork into bites, or just grab it in your cave-man hands and get neanderthal.

I will be looking forward to this myself when I return from shoveling the snow that has drifted halfway up my back door, blocking the dogs from their, ahem, restroom area.

Butterflied boneless leg of lamb.

Savoury.

Baked brie with apricots, cranberries, almonds, and brandy in lattice-top pastry.

Tangy.

Greenbeans with pecans in sauce.

Well-balanced.

Affligem Abby "Noel" Christmas Ale from Belgium, 9% abv.

Warming and heady.

Braided breadsticks and salad.

Yummy.

Watching the kids open up and play with their presents under the tree.

Fantastic.

Feigning a medical condition that allows me to turn a deaf-ear to 90% of what my mom-in-law says.

Pure numbed bliss.

Bread and yogurt.

Wow, did you see that guy?
Man.  That coulda been bad.
What an obit.  Guy going to the store and turns out he's in line for the great checkout in the sky.

Bread and yogurt.

Nearly took my front bumper off. 
Damn.
The light was red buddy.
That means stop.
This ain't seventh grade, I'm not your girlfriend, and no, you're not an ambulance.

Bread and yogurt.

When are they gonna fix that pothole?  It's been there for over a year, right?
Which door should I park by?  Depends if I use self-checkout or not.
What am I getting.

Bread and yogurt.

Right.  Self-checkout it is.  Bag boy union, hmmpf, who ever heard of such a thing?
Oh, there's a good one.
Right next to the, oh my, is she checking me out?
Damn, I'm going to miss short skirt season.
Looky that, perfect parking, I should be an instructor or something.
Wish I had my camera.

Bread and yogurt.

Is it gonna rain?
Better hurry.
What time is it?
When does her show end?
Plenty of  time I'm sure, ah, there's the hand baskets.
What was I getting?

Bread and yogurt.

Right, where's that in this store?
I remember at the other one, but at this one its..
Picturing it, yeah, got it.

Together at the far back, left side.
Hey, look watermelon.  That'd be tasty for breakfast tomorrow.
Might even put the wife in the mood for mid-week naughtiness.
Season fries?  Who can say no to seasoned fries.
I'll cook 'em in the oven so their healthier than fried.
Frozen pizza on sale!
Ahh yeah, daddy's having pizza tonight!
Toaster waffles!  The eldest will love toaster waffles.
That'll be great for the Grandparents to give her next week while we're on vacation.
Ice cream, two for one?  Well shiii-ite.
Hmmm.  Might make the wife think she's getting heavy though...
and we all know that means an end to the hope of mid-week naughtiness.
No icecream.  Got it.  It'd be good but...  No, let's hold out for naughtiness.

What was that thing I was looking for?

Oh, yah, my foot hurts.  I was going to try a corn remover on those callouses from the rose thorns.
Lets see what they have in the pharmacy section.  Doo-dee-doo.  Aha.  Corn removers.  Cool.
Okay, you know you're in pain when you say, "Corn removers, cool."
I'd go to the doctor but he wants to do a full physical complete with fasting and crap.
Even a tetnis shot.
How about I just promise to avoid rusty nails, huh doc?
Yeah, this should work.

Am I done?  What else did I come for?  The baskets getting full.

Oh, bread and yogurt, right!

Hmm, there's the bread and we're on the home stretch, just turn the corner to the...

Huh, the yogurt guy is totally blocking my access.

Can't they re-stock, you know, at night?  When the store it closed and they wouldn't be in the way of the shopper?

Isn't that WHY stores close to customers?  To take care of all the house-cleaning like re-stocking?

I'd ask him to move but his boxes are everywhere.  Dude, I totally can't get through.

Well, there's a little space on the end, so I could reach...

Hey!   Is this a plot?  A conspiracy?  They've only left access to the premium yogurt that's $3 and completely blocked the more reasonable 50 cent containers.  I suspect you all.

All right, no yogurt then, fine.

I'll see you another day yogurt re-stocking guy, you can't block my fruit on the bottom forever!