Respect for Elders

The wife and I open the door with the little jingly bell on it, hop over the raised doorway lip (truely wicked) and stroll into the local boozeria.

She is quickly dazzled by naughty labeled wines and lost to the brightly neon corner of the shop to giggle.

I press on, to the furthest darkest back corner.

Man-country, where they keep the whiskeys and bourbon.

Old Charter is a new addition for this shop.  (I've read it's part of the Buffalo Trace Distillery, Lexington, KY.)

They have a puzzling variety of  vintage; 1 year, 3 year, 5 year, 8 year, 10 year and 12 year.

Not to be overcome with indecision, I grasp the 12 year (90 proof) and emerge back to the fluorescent light of the cash register.

On the way, I do the wife a favor and grab a big ol' tear-drop bottle of Rain vodka.  Lovely container, organic contents.

The kind of vodka that doesn't need to hide behind flavorings, mixers, or additives.

The wife won't buy it for herself, because it makes her feel guilty to buy anything but Popov.

On the other hand, I have every incentive to buy her good vodka because well...

The old man behind the counter is restocking the hip/boot size bottles and doesn't notice my arrival.

I clear my throat.

Nothing.

I set the bottles down again, jingling them together a bit.  Clink, clink, nothing.

Right about here, lizard-brain is telling me to just side-step back on out through the door to the car with my prizes.

The wife walks up.

Just then, old man turns around and jumps with a start, "Will that be all then?"

Yeah, she was wearing one of her boobie shirts.

Old man's still got the radar.

Wife looks at the receipt in the car, "Did you really need the 12 year?"

"Well yeah.  I've never had Old Charter before."

"So?" she says

"Here's the thing, if I started off by trying the younger stuff, each bottle would have been cheaper, true, but might have been more expensive overall."

"Huh?" she says.

"Look, if I try the one year, and it sucks, I would think, well, maybe the three year would be better, so then I buy that, and if it sucks, I might think, well maybe the five year is better and so on, until I end up buying the twelve year old anyway.  So, this way, I start off with the twelve year old.  If it sucks, I don't need to try any of the others because this is as good as it's going to get.  If I do like it, I can always downgrade until I find the one that's too young, then go back up just one notch from then on."

"You way over-analyze your booze, but thanks for the vodka."

"Anytime.  Anytime."